All I can say is that I hope you have people with a lot of compassion in your life if you have anxiety.
It sounds so pedestrian. Oh, you are feeling a little anxious? Take a deep breath and move on.
Anxiety manifests for different people in different ways. For me? Yes, there is panic. Blinding, irrational panic. There is also a huge dose of self loathing and a great deal of rage. The rage stems from frustration and desperation. Humiliation rides along just for shits and giggles.
What really makes it better? Being confronted by someone with privilege who feels superior to you and talks down to you. Factor in being constantly pushed to the outskirts of a primary social group and depression comes charging in to aid anxiety.
The twin swords of depression and anxiety make simple tasks like breathing nearly insurmountable. I have craved love, support, and understanding my entire life. Even with therapy, medication, and life experience, I remain alone. This just confirms the depression’s opinion that I am all alone, because I am – and have always been – unloveable.
At this point in my life, I realize that it is too late for me. I will always be alone. Statistically, I will die pretty young.
All I ask is that if you know someone with depression or anxiety, that you have some patience and understanding. Especially, if they don’t seem to need or want it. And hug them. Please. I can’t tell you how many times a day I just wish someone would hug me.
I wish no one else ever had to feel like this.