The Daycare only Has One Bathroom for Adults

Me: *pulls on bathroom door* 

Woman with Daughter Standing on Other Side of Room: There is someone in there. 

Me: Are you in line?

Brain: Please say no. Please say no. Please say no. 

Woman: Yes. 

Brain: Goddamnit!!!!

Me: Oops. Didn’t mean to cut in line. 

Woman: It’s okay.  *adjusts daughter’s ponytail*

Her Daughter: Ow! Mommy, stop pulling on my hair!

Me: Your hair is lovely. 

Brain: Finally! The bathroom hogger is out!  We only have to wait a few more minutes. Just don’t humiliate me by doing the pee-pee dance. 

Woman: *steps onto bathroom threshold* Honey, what do you say?

Daughter: *glares*

Woman: We are working on manners.  Honey, the nice lady paid you a compliment. What do you say?

Brain: You don’t say anything!  Lady, shut the fuck up and use the frakking toilet!!!

Me: I know what that’s like. 

Brain: Stop seeming so normal. Be yourself and she will RUN into the bathroom. 

Woman: Honey, what do you say to the nice lady?

Daughter: *crosses arms*

Me: Don’t worry about it.

Brain: There is an Wonder Woman action figure holding a sword on the shelf. You can stab her in the jugular, step over her, and be on the toilet before she bleeds out.

Woman: It is so important that they learn manners early. 

Me: *nods and tries to keep eyes from crossing*

Brain: We don’t have time for Wonder Woman. Grab that kiddie stool and whack her over the head. More effort, but less blood. 

Daughter: Thank you. 

Brain: Thank the Maker!

Woman: *closes the bathroom door*

Daughter: What are you doing?

Me: The pee-pee dance. 

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