Me: *pulls on bathroom door*
Woman with Daughter Standing on Other Side of Room: There is someone in there.
Me: Are you in line?
Brain: Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.
Me: Oops. Didn’t mean to cut in line.
Woman: It’s okay. *adjusts daughter’s ponytail*
Her Daughter: Ow! Mommy, stop pulling on my hair!
Me: Your hair is lovely.
Brain: Finally! The bathroom hogger is out! We only have to wait a few more minutes. Just don’t humiliate me by doing the pee-pee dance.
Woman: *steps onto bathroom threshold* Honey, what do you say?
Woman: We are working on manners. Honey, the nice lady paid you a compliment. What do you say?
Brain: You don’t say anything! Lady, shut the fuck up and use the frakking toilet!!!
Me: I know what that’s like.
Brain: Stop seeming so normal. Be yourself and she will RUN into the bathroom.
Woman: Honey, what do you say to the nice lady?
Daughter: *crosses arms*
Me: Don’t worry about it.
Brain: There is an Wonder Woman action figure holding a sword on the shelf. You can stab her in the jugular, step over her, and be on the toilet before she bleeds out.
Woman: It is so important that they learn manners early.
Me: *nods and tries to keep eyes from crossing*
Brain: We don’t have time for Wonder Woman. Grab that kiddie stool and whack her over the head. More effort, but less blood.
Daughter: Thank you.
Brain: Thank the Maker!
Woman: *closes the bathroom door*
Daughter: What are you doing?
Me: The pee-pee dance.