Unsupervised on Prime Day 

Me: Woohoo! I just bought a 55″ TV!

Brain: There is nothing wrong with your current 40-ish inch TV. 

Me: It is a 4K Ultra-HD Smart LED TV!

Brain: You know what none of that means. Seriously. You have no clue what any of that means. You had to look at the webpage three times to successfully type that string of gibberish. 

Me: I saved so much money! It was the Prime Day special that all the websites said was THE deal to get. And I got it!

Brain: You spent a small fortune on something you don’t need and don’t understand. 

Me: But I got it before it sold out!

Brain: *sigh* Yay you. Wow. Congrats. It was so worth the money. And you saved so much by spending money you don’t have on something you don’t need. 

Me: I sense you aren’t entirely sincere…

I should never be left alone to mingle at professional/social events

Me: I need my drink refreshed. 

Colleagues:  Okay. 

Baby Bartender: So this event is for colleges?

*45 minutes of advising him on getting a mentor, interviewing those who are successful in his dream field, and his personal religious crisis*

Me: You’ve got this!

Baby Bartender: I had no idea I had so many options, resources, or strengths. Thank you!

Me: This is all you! Go for it. Take advantage of living in Chicago.

Baby Bartender: Seriously, I never realized. 

Me: Thank you for the cruise!

Coworker and professional colleagues: So, tell us about the Bartender…

Me: He is a communications grad who wants to advance his career. I suggested he contact the following people before pursuing a graduate degree he may not need. If he wants to pursue – 

Unknown Colleague to Coworker: You weren’t kidding

Coworker: Bleeding heart. 

Unknown Colleague: She really wasn’t hooking up with him. 

Coworker: Told you. 

Me: Wait. What…?

2017 Work Conference

Me: Conference starts after lunch. I need to go downstairs and learn the levels and various rooms. 

Brain: You just want to see the give-aways. 

Me: Please. I am a professional. OMG! Look at all this SWAG!!!

Brain: You do realize that these booths aren’t open yet. 

Me: They left this stuff out for us.

Brain: You are giddily stealing notepads, legal pads, post it notes, and pens. 

Me: Isn’t it AMAZING?!?!?! Wait. Where are the highlighters?!

Brain: And people wonder why you never married.