Something I did worked!

Deciding I was hungry, I decided to experiment with the pressure cooker. It actually worked. I can only assume hell has frozen over.

Sauteed a chicken breast in chili oil. Added a half cup of frozen Pineapple-Orange juice. Added a cup of rice. A cup of Chicken Broth. Set to high pressure for 20 minutes. Released. Made a slurry with a little liquid and a teaspoon of corn starch. Stirred it all up. OMG.

I did something that worked!

Help! My daughter’s an extrovert!

I am not going to survive the holidays. I nearly didn’t survive our vacation. Not only is Munchkin an extrovert, but she loves people. I have come to realize those are two different things.

On our cruise, we boarded the ship in Vancouver. The next day, we put into port in Seattle. Munchkin and I ducked into a McDonald’s to get her a juice box. As I struggled with the straw, I heard someone call Munchkin’s name. I looked up to see three crew members waiving excitedly at my daughter.

As the cruise progressed, her social interactions became exponentially complicated. One morning, it took 23 minutes to walk past the pool on the Lido deck. I know, because I timed it.

Now the holidays are here. People are social. Munchkin is social. I am exhausted just thinking about it. Maybe it is time to become an alcoholic…

Nightmares

Munchkin: I am so scared!

Me: Why are you scared, baby?

Munchkin: I had a bad dream.

Me: Dreams can be scary sometimes.

Munchkin: I don’t want to go to sleep!

Me: Are you afraid of having the dream again?

Munchkin: Yes!

Me: Love, if you have a bad dream, you come get Mommy, Okay?

Munchkin: But I don’t want them to get me! I’m scared.

Me: Who are you afraid will get you?

Munchkin: The penguins!!!!!

Lies about Hilo

  1. It is rainy. 
  2. It is fairly cool.
  3. I never saw a single bug. 
  4. You can walk to town. 
  5. The farmer’s market has great deals. 
  6. If it stops raining, there is a breeze. 

Things I learned by 6:00am

Traveling with a toddler is an interesting experience. I learned a lot before boarding the plane at 6:00am. 

1.  YOU NEED A VISA TO TRAVEL TO CANADA!!!! 

2.  Everyone in line behind us at the ticket counter is going to wait, because Munchkin is going to climb across the luggage scale and demand a hug from each of the five people working the counter. This will prompt them to stop working and congregate around Munchkin with adoration. 

3. No matter how many times You explain that luggage has to go in the airplane’s trunk, when they take the luggage away, trauma will ensue. Catching Munchkin when she lunges across the luggage scales and tries to rescue the luggage as it disappears on the conveyor belt takes three adults. 

4. When a three-year old wants to see the plane out the window, the grown man sleeping in front of the window makes a useful step stool. 

Priorities

Me: Apparently, my phone has been streaming Netflix all morning!

Boss: What has your phone been entertaining itself with?

Me: Deep Space Nine! I have to figure out where I was in the series!

Boss: Why are you watching Deep Space Nine?

Me: Um… Because it is the best of the franchise. 

Boss: Please. I am an Original Series guy. Deep Space Nine isn’t any good. 

Me: I’m sorry. I can’t work here anymore. 

Failing at Preparing

Me: Look at how beautiful that is! All those neat packing cubes for me and Munchkin. All I have to do is put them in suitcases!

Brain: Did you pack underwear yet?

Me: I don’t think so.

Brain: Socks?

Me: Probably not.

Brain: Where are the cold weather clothes versus the hot weather clothes?

Me: Um…

Brain: Did you remember to pack pants?

Me: Surely there is a pair of pants in there somewhere. Right?

Brain: Where is what Munchkin is supposed to wear on the plane?

Me: …

Brain: Is there a hairbrush? Where are your contact lens supplies?

Me: I have to open all these cubes, sort, review, and repack, don’t I?

Brain: Yep. Congratulations! Your attempt at preparation has resulted in double the work and half the efficiency!

Idiot

Brain: You are a complete idiot.

Me:  I booked the hotel for the 23rd, not the 5th. 

Brain: Ha!

Me: Normally, I would assume it was my error, but I had to use the drop down calendar thingy. I know I did it right. 

Brain: But you didn’t read your confirmation carefully and have no proof. 

Me: I know!

Brain: You are a complete failure. You do realize that for what you will be spending for two hotels, you could have stayed at the swanky places in the heart of Vancouver. 

Me:  I hate this. 

Brain: And don’t think I didn’t see you use Tweetdeck for #PitMad tomorrow: three books, twelve entries, tens of thousands of people judging you.  I can’t even calculate the number of failures that will be. 

Me: At least, I gave it a shot. 

Brain: Shots are good. See if you can find some Everclear. Shots of Everclear or maybe lighter fluid. 

Daycare

Me: I love daycare. I miss daycare. Daycare is my favorite. 

Brain: Work is closed at least through tomorrow. You haven’t made it even halfway through this. 

Me: I love daycare. 

Brain: You are supposed to be agonizing over the fact that you aren’t a stay-at-home mom. Where is the gender-specific self-flagellation?

Me: Nope. Nuh-uh. I love my job. I love daycare. 

Brain: I’m not sure how to handle this lack of self-loathing… Did the internet just flicker?

Me:  NOBODY PANIC!!!! Wait. That’s not right. EVERYBODY PANIC!!!