Shopping with Munchkin

Me: Munchkin, sit down in the cart.

Me: Sit down.

Me: Sit DOWN.

Munchkin: I want to get Santa Claus a present.

Every Person in Target: *stares daggers at me*

Holiday Cards

Me:  I ordered the cheapest set of holiday cards.  I can’t remember the last year I sent holiday cards.  I only have 25 of them.  I hope I have enough.

Brain:  You ordered the obnoxious “Look at My Child” photo card.

Me:  But my child is so cute!

Brain:  And do you really think you know 25 people who would want to get a card from you?

Me: Most people have hundreds of people on their holiday card list.

Brain:  Mmm-hmm.  How many addresses do you have on your list?

Me: I just jotted down 15 addresses.  That only leaves me 10 cards left.

Brain:  Don’t think I don’t see the pediatrician and day care on that list.

Me:  I want them to like us.

Brain:  So, what are you going to do with the last 10 cards?

Me: I should keep one, so technically it is only 9 cards.

Brain: Fine.  What are you going to do with the last 9 cards.

Me:  Ummmm….

Brain:  In case you ever start feeling good about yourself, please remember this moment.  You are so pathetic you can’t find 25 people to send holiday cards to.

Me:  It’s the most wonderful time of the year?

Brain: Not for you.  There is no wonderful time of the year for you.

 

If you can’t say anything nice…

Brain: Brilliant. Great job.

Me: I got the flipping piece of exercise equipment put together didn’t I?

Brain: The instructions say a single person can put it together in 15 minutes.

Me: They exaggerate those things!

Brain: And it took you how long…?

Me: I don’t want to talk about.

Brain: I wonder if that fingernail is going to turn black.

Me: Why can’t you ever think anything nice about me?

Brain: You can grow very long eyebrow hair.

Me: …

Brain: It is amazing, given how short and stubby your eye lashes are and how limp and flat your hair is. You grow long, silky eyebrow hair. Not bushy, just long.

Me: This is the best thing you can say to me?

Brain: I also like how the hairs manage to hold their shape. You sleep on the left side of your face and you wake up with those hairs sticking straight up. And nothing you can do will make them lie down again. They have tenacity.

Me: Maybe you shouldn’t try to compliment me.

Brain: Do you know what else I like?

Me: Please don’t —

Brain: You have uninteresting earlobes.

Migraines and Munchkin

Me: Munchkin, Mommy’s head hurts.

Munchkin: Again?

Brain: You should die! You are a terrible parent! That poor, disappointed child!

Me: Yes, Baby. Come get mommy when the timer goes off. Mommy has to lie down.

Munchkin: No!

Me: No?

Munchkin: I’m going to kiss your owie head and lie down with you.

Brain: You don’t deserve her!

Me: I know!!!

Something I did worked!

Deciding I was hungry, I decided to experiment with the pressure cooker. It actually worked. I can only assume hell has frozen over.

Sauteed a chicken breast in chili oil. Added a half cup of frozen Pineapple-Orange juice. Added a cup of rice. A cup of Chicken Broth. Set to high pressure for 20 minutes. Released. Made a slurry with a little liquid and a teaspoon of corn starch. Stirred it all up. OMG.

I did something that worked!

Help! My daughter’s an extrovert!

I am not going to survive the holidays. I nearly didn’t survive our vacation. Not only is Munchkin an extrovert, but she loves people. I have come to realize those are two different things.

On our cruise, we boarded the ship in Vancouver. The next day, we put into port in Seattle. Munchkin and I ducked into a McDonald’s to get her a juice box. As I struggled with the straw, I heard someone call Munchkin’s name. I looked up to see three crew members waiving excitedly at my daughter.

As the cruise progressed, her social interactions became exponentially complicated. One morning, it took 23 minutes to walk past the pool on the Lido deck. I know, because I timed it.

Now the holidays are here. People are social. Munchkin is social. I am exhausted just thinking about it. Maybe it is time to become an alcoholic…

Nightmares

Munchkin: I am so scared!

Me: Why are you scared, baby?

Munchkin: I had a bad dream.

Me: Dreams can be scary sometimes.

Munchkin: I don’t want to go to sleep!

Me: Are you afraid of having the dream again?

Munchkin: Yes!

Me: Love, if you have a bad dream, you come get Mommy, Okay?

Munchkin: But I don’t want them to get me! I’m scared.

Me: Who are you afraid will get you?

Munchkin: The penguins!!!!!

The politics of black hair remain brutal

Munchkin spent all day yesterday rolling around in wood chips. Given her hair has been up in puffs for a week, this was not good for her hair.

White friends: she spent almost four weeks in microbraids. She needed a week off to let her hair “relax” and prevent part fatigue.

I have made a conscious decision to let Munchkin have fun and not emphasize that she is making my life difficult in regards to her hair. I want her to love her amazing curls and the intricate styles available to her.

Having planned to wash and style her hair today – after gymnastics – we went to a “pumpkin patch” before her class. We played with bunnies. She rolled in hay, and she bouncy-castled herself into exhaustion.

We then went to gymnastics. Munchkin hugged everyone. She comforted two crying two-year olds and then sang You Are My Sunshine with an elegant black woman who was there with her niece and nephew.

This woman was amazing – especially given the two children weren’t hers. And she immediately fell in love with Munchkin.

Another black woman came up behind us and said something I didn’t hear, before swiping a child up and leaving. She was very careful to make sure that I didn’t hear what she said, while making sure I knew it was about Munchkin.

Incidents like this aren’t exactly rare, but they aren’t common either. The poor woman who was there with her nibblings was incensed. Once she got over her shock, she expressed outrage over how rude the other woman was. It was touching how upset she was on my behalf.

Finally, she asked me if I had heard what the rude woman had said. I hadn’t and pretended to shrug it off. This lovely woman informed me that she wouldn’t repeat it, but that I didn’t deserve that.

It didn’t take a mind reader to know what the issue was. I smiled at her (despite my anger and insecurity). I assured her that Munchkin’s hair didn’t usually look like that.

The woman assured me that she had the same type of hair as Munchkin, that she knew the struggles, and that she has seen the braids I have done in the past.

Her outrage on my behalf was generous and appreciated. What scares me is that Munchkin is getting to the point that she understands things. I fear the day she can understand the cruelty about her hair and my parenting.

To all the amazing black women in my life, I thank you for your help and support. I will continue to lean on you. And I will soon need your advice on how to make Munchkin love her hair as much as I do.

Lies about Hilo

  1. It is rainy. 
  2. It is fairly cool.
  3. I never saw a single bug. 
  4. You can walk to town. 
  5. The farmer’s market has great deals. 
  6. If it stops raining, there is a breeze.