Me: I will not cry. I will not cry.
Brain: It is a nice, new Paper-White Kindle.
Me: I can’t believe my non-touchscreen, no-alphabet-keys, awesome Kindle with the side buttons that turned pages is dying. I don’t have to swipe to turn a page. I don’t have to do anything but apply light pressure where I am already holding the device.
Brain: Let’s set up the new Kindle and then we can put on the hair shirt and find some ashes. Maybe do some keening and self-mutilation.
Me: OMG!!! THERE ARE ADS ON THIS THING!!!!
Brain: Breathe. In two years, when you have paid off your #PrimeDay shopping spree, you may be able to pay Amazon to turn off the ads.
Me: *sniff* *surreptitiously wipes eyes*
Brain: Are you CRYING?!?!
Me: There are no side buttons and I have to deal with ads. The Prime Day celebration is over.
Brain: Let’s download some books and give the new Kindle a chance.
Me: How can there be ads in the way of my reading?!?!
Brain: Download. Just download.
Kindle: You have exceeded the number of devices on which you can have this book.
Brain: I am NOT looking up the suicide prevention hotline number for this. I am NOT!